my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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