So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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