i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Randomize
