in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
