Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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