you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
