Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
