The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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