I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
