I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
