Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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