Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My Sexting was not on an AP level
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
