ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
