At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
