I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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