I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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