I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
