i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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