i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
