just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
