she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
