You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
