I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize