k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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