I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
