Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize