Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
