i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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