Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
