so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
