you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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