I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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