you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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