I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
