She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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