Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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