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i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
