I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
