Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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