absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
