i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
