I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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