last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
