y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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