Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Randomize
