the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
