then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
