Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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