I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he was CRYING into my vagina
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
