Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
PANTIES FOUND
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