Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
