I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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