The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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