triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
