The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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