you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
