we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
