She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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