Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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