everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
