I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
