**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
