I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
