DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
