he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
